Jacks Magic Beans by Keene Brian

Author:Keene, Brian [Keene, Brian]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Eraserhead Press
Published: 2011-04-13T07:00:00+00:00

Without

You

I woke up this morning and shot myself twice.

Carolyn had already left for work. She’d tried waking me repeatedly, as she does every morning. It’s a game that has become an annoying ritual, much like the rest of my life.

The alarm went off for the first time at six. Like always, she was pressed up against me, and my morning hard on was wedged into her fat ass. She thinks that I still find her desirable, not realizing that every man in the world wakes up like that if he has a full bladder. Carolyn hasn’t turned me on in over ten years.

She lay there, as she does every morning, with the alarm blaring, snuggling tighter against me until I wanted to scream. Her breath stank. Her hair stank. She stank. I always shower before bed, as well as in the morning. She only showers in the morning.

I reached over her and hit the snooze button. Ten minutes later the scene replayed itself. This time she got up and stumbled off to the bathroom. Drifting in and out of sleep, I heard her singing along with Britney Spears on the radio. That’s something else that annoyed me. Here we were, both in our thirties, and she still insisted on listening to teenybopper pop music. I listened to talk radio mostly, but not Carolyn. She’d sing along with all that hip-hop shit.

It was enough to drive a man crazy.

After the shower, she walked into the bedroom, humming and dripping and babbling baby talk to me.

“Come on, my widdle poozie woozie, wakey wakey.”

I groaned, wanting to die right then and there.

“Did I tire you out last night,” she asked, as she ironed a skirt for work. “Am I too much for you?”

I mumbled an incoherent response, shuddering at thoughts of the previous evening’s acrobatics. She’d come three times. I had to envision my mother just to get it up, and still I had to fake an orgasm. Thank God for rubbers.

Twenty minutes later, I was still lying there and Carolyn was more insistent, warning me that I’d be late for work. I told her I was sick, and her smothering concern made me want to leap out of my skin. Thankfully, she’d been late for work, and I got off lucky with only a quick kiss and a promise to call me during her lunch break.

I heard the door shut. A minute later, I heard the Saturn cough to life. The Saturn that we still owed over six grand on, even though it was a piece of shit. The Saturn that we’d just had to have, because that’s what everybody else was driving. My S.U.V. had been bought for the same reason and we owed even more on it.

I rolled out of bed, walking through the house that we would be in debt for until our Sixties. I called into work, biting my lip to keep from arguing with Clarence when he questioned me. Twelve years I’d busted my ass for him. Twelve years of endless monotony, of heat and grime and boredom.

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